“If you want your life to be a magnificent story, then begin by realising that you are the author and everyday you have the opportunity to write a new page” — Mark Houlahan
Today would have been Adam’s birthday. Had he lived he would have been 44 today. My heart is heavy and my mind still trying to make sense of what has happened. He has been gone from our lives for over two years. His life, though too short, was after all, a magnificent story. He has left us all with amazing memories for which I am grateful. He was a very positive person so I try always to think, what would Adam do, when I am faced with a decision to make. Love you forever my lovely boy.
The subject of Adam’s ashes has reared it’s head again and I am no nearer to deciding what to do about it. Up until today the blue box containing all that remains of my beautiful boy has been sitting in the living room underneath his photograph. However, I am aware that I am not the only person with an interest in what becomes of them. He has three children and their two respective mothers, two brothers and a father, all of whom have genuine rights when it comes to making a decision about this difficult problem. I am his mother, This was his home, Where he is now is virtually the same place where he was set down when I brought him home from the maternity ward in a little blue carry cot. I don’t think I am ready to let him go yet. I still haven’t come to terms with the way he died and I think that that is the crux of the problem.
Fourteen billion years ago the whole thing was begun.
Time itself came into being, the clock began to run.
And in the crucible of space, all there is, was born.
The building blocks of all we know from some galactic storm.
Collapsing stars formed elements, the elements combined
To form the substance of it all, the earth, the trees, mankind!
So look into the midnight sky, creation on parade. . .
For what you see in starlight is the stuff from which we’re made.
For we are in the universe, The universe in us.
The two are indivisible. A thing most beauteous.
So hear the song of nature. The song that all things sing.
For we are truly stardust, everyone and everything.
The Eglu was the start of a big adventure for me as I ended up with fifty chickens, all bantams, and fifteen ducks, calls and runners. This adventure came to a crashing halt when my son was diagnosed with Motor Neurone Disease. I don’t regret a single minute spent caring for Adam and In fact feel very privileged to have spent that time with him and honoured to have been able to help him through, what was for him, a horrendous time. My new chicken venture is to help me through my grief after losing him in February 2016. Life will never be the same for us without him. However, he left me with three wonderful grandchildren, and they are a lasting legacy for which I am truly grateful. They love the chickens and the Eglu is really safe for them to use.
Today I received a refurbishment kit for the Eglu from Omlet. My Eglu was number seventeen off the production line when Omlet, the company, was born. It was delivered by their own chicken bedecked van and assembled in the garden in August 2004. It came with three large fowl, Araucana, which are blue egg layers. The students who designed and produced the chicken house have come a long way since then. I have bought plastic replacements for the originally wooden perching bars, a new green shade and an all weather transparent full cover for the bad weather to come. Other than that, thirteen years later, it is as good as new.
Well, I am a little disappointed as the replacement perches didn’t fit. They looked lovely too. Strong and easy to clean but just not the right size. However the Eglu is back together and looking safe and warm with the two new covers. The five new chickens look happy. They are all small breeds so have plenty of room and I feel confident that they will be warm and dry this winter.
I find it hard to accept that a whole year has passed since I lost Adam. I miss him more than ever. He should still be here with his family. I know that if he could he would be telling us all to enjoy life. He used to say “Life is great” but it will never be the same for us without him. This weekend has been very difficult. Adam died on Saturday 20th February 2016 and I’m sure that in spite of how difficult life was for him at that time he would still have chosen to live. Love you and miss you my lovely boy.
I have always found something to love about all of the seasons but today I found myself wishing away the Winter. SInce Adam died I have been keeping myself sane by trying to bring the garden back after years of neglect. It’s had to be step by step and there have been a few steps forward and quite a few back but I have persevered. I have grown things from seed and bought bulbs and roses and new containers. This week we have had torrential rain yet again and the pots have become waterlogged. The possibility of lowering temperatures means that a lot of my precious plants are at risk. Therefore my desire for the speedy arrival of Spring. To know that the bulbs are sitting in the wet and the roses,that have shown such good growth since planting, are at risk is very daunting.
After the garden flooded as a result of heavy rainfall in June when I lost a lot of seedlings and young plants we then had a burst water main under the garden. The garden then became an excavation site and we were surrounded by water outside but had no water supply inside. Last week we had a burst water tank in the airing cupboard and then more torrential rain outside.
Update Wednesday 23rd November …..plumber here putting in a new cold water tank…rain stopped….feeling more positive….maybe it’s not the winter I’m wishing away……just the excess water. On a positive note the old water tank will make a great carrot bin down the allotment…. After all it already has good drainage holes.
Quite unlike any other variety, Viola Sororia Freckles bears violet, speckled flowers from spring through to summer. The blooms are carried above neat clumps of heart shaped foliage. This Violet will self-seed freely. Perfect for growing in containers or rockeries.
These tough little plants will seed themselves anywhere. They’re strong like Adam was strong and they will be growing all over the garden along with lots of other Violas next year and every year in memory of my brave boy.
On Thursday this week I shall be going to the local Lidl store to buy some of these beautiful plants. At six for £7.99 I shall be a happy lady. I have kept back some tête-à-tête so I shall pot them up together. This will be another reminder of Adam as this combination of plants grew along under his bedroom window at the house on the hill. When they were at their best I would take him a photo and the twins would often just pick them as toddlers do and take them in to him. I asked for White Hellebore to be included in Adams funeral flowers and they looked lovely.
Christmas roses have a deep growing root system so the roots should be planted downward rather than spread out below the soil surface and the crown of the plant should be an inch below the soil surface. Apply a layer of mulch around the plant. Every spring remove old, tattered foliage and feed the plants with a balanced water soluble fertiliser. Commonly known as hellebores the Eurasian genus Helleborus consists of approximately 20 species of herbaceous or evergreen perennial flowering plants in the family Ranunculaceae, within which it gave its name to the tribe of Helleboreae. The scientific name Helleborus derives from the Greek.
Update November 2017 – These plants, Helleborus Niger, have paid me back over and over since I bought them as they flowered from November to May. They retain their interest throughout the year. Now its November again and once again their snow white flowers are peeping through to brighten up the Winter days. They are tough little plants with delicate flowers. I have two large containers full of them and one plant in the side garden. I love them and may invest in some coloured varieties this year. As we are expecting some very cold weather I have mulched around them with some compost and sprinkled in a little growmore.
Sean has collected some seeds from his red Acer and I am hoping to sow them and raise a couple of saplings. I have looked online for help with the propagation and it looks quite difficult but I am keen to have a go.
My beautiful son, Adam, passed away on Saturday 20th February 2016. We were together when he took his first breath on the third of March 1974 and we were together when he took his last. I was privileged to be able to care for him until the end. He loved life and fought to hold on to it despite the awful suffering. I know he wasn’t ready and would have put up with anything for one more look at his beloved children. I am trying to get back to what’s left of my life as he would and often did tell me to.
He and the whole family have gone through a state of shock and grief that has hit us all like a jugernaut. After the first round of gp, consultant, hospital, specialists and awful tests we are now trying to come to terms with the diagnosis and what it will mean. On 31st May we had a family visit from a lovely MND Nurse, Heidi, but since then we have had no contact from any of the care team and remain in a state of limbo.
Adam is bravely continuing to carry on as normal and has made a special effort to take his six year old daughter on days out, seaside holidays and this weekend he, his girlfriend and his daughter are travelling to Cyprus for a week in the sun to make some special memories .
If my weblog has been a bit sparse on the gardening front recently it is because we have all been totally preoccupied with this current situation and my positive and optimistic view on life has taken a bit of a battering.